Brain Spillage #25: We are NOT off to a good start..

it has been a long time since i have written a blog. To be honest, its simply because i have had way too much going on. as the title of this blog shows, 2011 is not off to a good start. of course, this is expected when you are trying to balance too many things at one time. ugh. I canNOT wait for all this to be over.

for starters, two..TWO of my exes who i thought were my friends have decided to loathe me. ok, well, not exactly. to paraphrase, it went something like "Hey, im basically too good for you because you are a devil worshipper and kind of a wierdo so dont talk to me anymore. k? thnks!" ok, maybe it wasnt that intense, but it was close. needless to say, i think it's ironic that they decide to spring this on me now, now when they have decided to "serve God." isn't part of being a Christian helping those you know are in trouble? i guess not. but oh well, i am better off.

second, this whole chemical imbalance thing is really starting to get out of hand. i constantly find myself having to talk myself out of doing dumb things. its exhausting.

third, i am under a tremendous amount of pressure. trying to finish school, write a 50 page paper, trying to find a new job, trying to deal without meds, trying to not throw myself unto incoming traffic, trying to make my parents proud...its all too much. i don't know what i am going to do yet. but i need to do something.

thank you to everyone who heard about what happened this weekend and texted/called to see if i was alright. thank you all. i am lucky to have you in my life. special thanks to those 2 wonderful women who saved my life. you know who you are.


this post has been a little gloomy. but that is how i feel today. on the bright side, i was asked to be someone's bridesmaid. it made me smile. let's hope my seratonin starts to balance itself out. tomorrow is a new day.





A.A.K.