Brain Spillage #31: all things must come to an end

i had literally written the best blog ever. complete with a description of all living/non living creatures currently inhabiting the backseat of my car..my last day at work..the hot guy at pizza my heart...

but it disappeared. and frankly i am too lazy to write it all again. heres what you need to know.

-last day of work
-hot guy hit one me. i look like the living dead
-uhh..weird day
-belly dancers and hamsters in my backseat
-i look homeless living in my car
-work is boring
-fun 3 hour group interview
-undisclosed location for retail employment
-pizza
-30 rock
-1 hr 15 min left of work








AHHH

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #30: FASHHHAAA!

can i just say, i have THE best father in the world ever!

ive been pretty miserable lately, and as i am laying in bed about to take a nap, i hear his fatty man footsteps down the hall. this is what happens next..

Dad: GEEEEE! are you home?

Me: yes father. what do u want?

Dad: i need to borrow your car to go to gilroy

Me: Dad, you are huge. you will break it

Dad: ill fill it up with gas

Me: the tank is already full

Dad: then ill give you 20 bucks!

Me:...

Dad: maybe 15?

Me:....

Dad: ok 10. for a sandwich.

Me: why do you always use my deep love for sandwiches against me???

***10 minutes later***

Dad: GGEEEEE! do you hear that??

Me: What?

Dad: the neighbors kid is playing in our backyard

Me: so..?

Dad: what me to yell at them for you?

Me: you are the best father ever!

he then proceeds to sneak up behind the kid and start yelling about property rights and how the fact that our fence fell is the fault o this 7 year old frightened boy. i think he might have wet himself. god, i love my dad. we share the same love for scaring children....and sandwiches. eating sandwiches, that is, not scaring them. that would be weird. then again its weird i took the sandwich bribe and not the larger amount of money. hmm..i need a nap.

and as i have been sharing with you this tidbit of my father-daughter relationship with the old savage that lives in my house (yup. its my house. check the lease agreement!), he has been sitting in the hallway reading a book and singing rancheras. i dont know why he picks the hallway as his prime reading spot. maybe the lighting is better. god knows ancient people can hardly see a thing. anyways, back to my nap.

my dad is more awesome than your dad. he quotes that 70s show the daily!

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #29: sprinkler much

i love showers and how they make you feel all squeaky clean.

what i dont like is the hard water that is flushing the redness out of my hair.

i like my red hair.

love is a battlefield.

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #28: oh heaven

sitting in bed

drinking diet coke

watching 30 rock

texting one of the most interesting people i know

wearing comfy pjs

and no socks

in the dark

with no one else home badgering me

heaven, i have found you.

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #27: NOT YOU TOO!!

as you all know i had my first therapy session tonight.

DISASTER!

first, my therapist was about 10000000000 years old. second, she was MEAN! i mean, i felt like she didnt take one word i said seriously. it was a little hurtful. third, she lectured me for about 30 minutes on how i should exercise everyday and that will help my CLINICAL DEPRESSION. what a boob. thanks lady, my depression is not caused by my apparent severe obesity.

i guess its back to searching, searching, searching for another psychiatrist. URGH

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #26: ew.

so i have henceforth decided that i will try and update my blog everyday. have this be kind of like my online journal of sorts. of course, i will keep certain people anonymous as i don't want to ruin their great reputations. its funny the things you find out about people when they think they love you. hah!

anyways, i was on my way to school this morning, which is about a 45 minute drive, and i decided that i was having a bad hair day. i knew this was going to basically ruin my day and it would be the only thing i was really focusing on. so i turned around and started to drive back home. i took a shower and started to put my make up on. i walk into the living room and see my mom there look as confused as ever. she says so me "i thought u left like 30 minutes ago" i responded telling her something along the lines of "you are crazy. ive been here the whole time you old loon!" god, shes funny.

but now, i am in a bigger predicament. i dont know what to do with my hair, and i have about 28 minutes to decide as i have to get going in order to make my next class. ahhhhh! sometimes i wish my hair would just be awesome all the time..like Freakazoid's hair or like that evil dude from the incredibles. sure, i would look like a troll, but so what. it would have me a ton of money on hair ties and bobby pins. oh, the elusive bobby pin. i swear a buy a pack of those every week and they always disappear. oh man. i must finish this before i keep going on another rant. BLEH!

doing better today. first therapy session at 7. fingers crossed for some Wellbutrin.

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #25: We are NOT off to a good start..

it has been a long time since i have written a blog. To be honest, its simply because i have had way too much going on. as the title of this blog shows, 2011 is not off to a good start. of course, this is expected when you are trying to balance too many things at one time. ugh. I canNOT wait for all this to be over.

for starters, two..TWO of my exes who i thought were my friends have decided to loathe me. ok, well, not exactly. to paraphrase, it went something like "Hey, im basically too good for you because you are a devil worshipper and kind of a wierdo so dont talk to me anymore. k? thnks!" ok, maybe it wasnt that intense, but it was close. needless to say, i think it's ironic that they decide to spring this on me now, now when they have decided to "serve God." isn't part of being a Christian helping those you know are in trouble? i guess not. but oh well, i am better off.

second, this whole chemical imbalance thing is really starting to get out of hand. i constantly find myself having to talk myself out of doing dumb things. its exhausting.

third, i am under a tremendous amount of pressure. trying to finish school, write a 50 page paper, trying to find a new job, trying to deal without meds, trying to not throw myself unto incoming traffic, trying to make my parents proud...its all too much. i don't know what i am going to do yet. but i need to do something.

thank you to everyone who heard about what happened this weekend and texted/called to see if i was alright. thank you all. i am lucky to have you in my life. special thanks to those 2 wonderful women who saved my life. you know who you are.


this post has been a little gloomy. but that is how i feel today. on the bright side, i was asked to be someone's bridesmaid. it made me smile. let's hope my seratonin starts to balance itself out. tomorrow is a new day.





A.A.K.