Brain Spillage #35: post..

my army of skanks :)

i just accomplished the impossible! i have graduated college!! i cant even believe it.

this last semester has been really difficult for me. for those who read my blog know i have been in a pretty dark space for a couple months, but graduating college and being able to spend more time with my friends has really helped pull me out of that. i can't begin to explain how blessed i am. just the fact that i am still alive and breathing despite everything that has happened in the last few months makes me so grateful. i am grateful to have my folks around and my amazing sister who has been my rock through everything. i'm not saying things are perfect, i still battle daily with this disease i was born with, but its def starting to come around.

i know part of living with clinical is being able to make the best out of the lows, and i have to say, this last bend was the worst. but now i feel like coming out of it is so much better than any of my other stabilized moments. i feel so amazing, like i can do anything. music and art have been in my mind a lot. i feel like i have so much inside of me i need to show the world. i cant just keep this to myself.

now, if you have ever had a serious convo with me, you know i hate fanatics. now, im not saying im becoming a fanatic, but a fan. God has really made himself present in my life these past few months, especially when i felt at my lowest. i know i wouldnt have been able to look on the bright side and actually graduate college without his mercy and grace. don't worry, you wont hear any sermons from me, but i will say that i def have a deeper appreciation for the One who gave everything for me and ive come to realize how weak i am without him. i owe him everything.

so, i am officially a college graduate. what are my plans now? who knows. grad school in a couple of years for sure..maybe a good job..traveling..gaining experience in my field. heck...maybe even dating. (wait...idk if im ready to retire my no dating policy...ahhhhh). anyways, we will see what happens. this is the beginning of a new adventure. one i plan to fill with awesome memories surrounded by the most amazing people. again, thank you to all my friends who have been there for me when times got difficult and helped pull me out of the hole instead of knocking me down further. i am truly grateful and i love you all very much.

someone get me an acoustic guitar!!

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #34: Eventually..

hello everyone..

its been a while i know. i really need to stop starting my blogs like that. hah!

#1 news, i no longer have bright red hair. it saddens my little black heart to know that old people will no longer stop me and ask how i got my hair that color and crackheads wont give me high fives when im walking through safeway. it looks something like this these days..

ok ok, so i don't look completely normal, but still. damn. i miss my red hurrrr

news #2: my hermana, the domestically challenged one is preggggoooo! which means i am going to be an auntie. that makes me happy. i cannot wait to pass down my wisdom and extensive knowledge of music to a fresh little mind.

news #3: i have officially decided to move out of town at the end of the summer. its really hard to back to being the perfect child after you have lived on your own before. rules and me dont mix very well.

news #4: i cannot stop listening to "Higher" by Taio Cruz ft. Kylie Minogue. it makes me wanna dance like crazy. and as i have established in my other blog, i like to dance like a loon on loonie pills.

it seems that things are starting to look up. stress levels are off the charts these days, but i work well under pressure. im like potatoes, u gotta pressure cook em or else they take forever. thats me. im a potato. a brown almost college graduate potato. as always when things are going good, something has to happen to tip over the balancing act known as my life! i cant go into detail, but lets say MAJOR changes are about to happen in my life. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! im gonna squash that rumor before it even starts...again! jeez.

but seriously, lesson of the say: everything eventually turns to shit. i got to witness my dad curse for several minutes today. it gave me an uneasy feeling. something is about to happen and im worried. and people wonder why college kids party so much and get baked all the time...sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

we will see what happens. ill keep y'all updated. i dont know why i added the "y'all" in there. i really never say that word. it made me crave some chicken wings. GOODNESS!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!??? could the fact that ive only slept like 8 hours in the past 2 days have something to do with my developing insanity? oh god. i feel like a crackhead.

in lighter news, i want to embrace my musical ability a lot more than i have been. which means some possible videos of my singing. just typing that made me shutter. **note to self: please reconsider this idea**

maybe it is time i embrace my inner psycho. just totally lose my marbles and become that one girl who had a mental breakdown her last semester of college and jumped in a fountain in the mall and yelled "I AM THE KRAKEN FROM THE SEA!" i totally just stole that. man, i need to stop listening to nicki minaj. im catching her psychotic tendencies.

"I sprinkle holy water upon the vampiYAH!" -The Minajerzzz

A.A.K.

**im losin it!**

Brain Spillage #33: Party Hardy

a couple of months back, one of my bestest bestest friends moved three hours away! since then, my weekends have been BLEEK, to say the least. i miss her sooooooo mucho! but it has come to my attention that she will be visiting in about a month.....what does this mean...?????

PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

now, i know some of you are thing.."Amy, you find any excuse to party!" but this is real. this is special. this is my partner in skankiness, my ride or die chick, my main whorebag! this is bigger than any holiday (maybe except halloween..) LOL. so yes, im preparations for said party, i have been compiling a collection of songs to play during the party. we are big fans of Ke$ha and so she is def on the list. but listening to all these songs is tricking my inner party animal. here i am having a quiet night at home, but my inner party animal wants to get up and dance like a loon with a red cup in my hand. im so confused. sobriety does not suit me. HA!

im going to continue to pile up an amazing playlist that will get everyone dancing like idiots. to understand what im talking about, i suggest taking a listen to "Blow" by Ke$ha followed by "Memories" by David Guetta. If that doesnt get your booty shaking, you have issues.

"All the crazy sh*t i did tonight....."

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #32: i wanna go CRAAAZZZYYYY!

heres the deal....

unemployment sucks. i have way too much time on my hands. i have figured out in the past couple of weeks that when i have more free time than i should, i do nothing! i mean, its not there arent things i should be doing. i SHOULD study for my midterms, i SHOULD work on my senior thesis, i SHOULD finish my internship hours, i SHOULD help out around the house....but no. what do i find myself doing on my free time?? sleeping. sleeping. SLEEPING!

therefore, i have concluded that i need a job. as it turns out when im under pressure i get my work done a lot better and faster. guess i gotta stress myself out again because being unstressed is obviously NOT working for me. on the bright side, im going to go fill out an application to get paid to decorate a store essentially. ill be the store "artist" which is awesome! getting paid to do something i love to do, who would have thought!

another thing..about 4 years ago, i had a melody to a song stuck in my head. since then, i have forgot it. but lately i feel like its haunting me and taunting me with its unfinishedness. i feel this weight to add to it and give it lyrics and whatnot, but i cant figure it out! its so frustrating. at the same time, my creativity is off the wire. i have so many idea in my head ive been having to type them into my phone..ideas for sculptures, paintings, songs...ridiculous.

my obsession with robert smith continues..i suggest giving a listen to the song "Not in Love" by Crystal Castles Ft. Robert Smith.

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #31: all things must come to an end

i had literally written the best blog ever. complete with a description of all living/non living creatures currently inhabiting the backseat of my car..my last day at work..the hot guy at pizza my heart...

but it disappeared. and frankly i am too lazy to write it all again. heres what you need to know.

-last day of work
-hot guy hit one me. i look like the living dead
-uhh..weird day
-belly dancers and hamsters in my backseat
-i look homeless living in my car
-work is boring
-fun 3 hour group interview
-undisclosed location for retail employment
-pizza
-30 rock
-1 hr 15 min left of work








AHHH

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #30: FASHHHAAA!

can i just say, i have THE best father in the world ever!

ive been pretty miserable lately, and as i am laying in bed about to take a nap, i hear his fatty man footsteps down the hall. this is what happens next..

Dad: GEEEEE! are you home?

Me: yes father. what do u want?

Dad: i need to borrow your car to go to gilroy

Me: Dad, you are huge. you will break it

Dad: ill fill it up with gas

Me: the tank is already full

Dad: then ill give you 20 bucks!

Me:...

Dad: maybe 15?

Me:....

Dad: ok 10. for a sandwich.

Me: why do you always use my deep love for sandwiches against me???

***10 minutes later***

Dad: GGEEEEE! do you hear that??

Me: What?

Dad: the neighbors kid is playing in our backyard

Me: so..?

Dad: what me to yell at them for you?

Me: you are the best father ever!

he then proceeds to sneak up behind the kid and start yelling about property rights and how the fact that our fence fell is the fault o this 7 year old frightened boy. i think he might have wet himself. god, i love my dad. we share the same love for scaring children....and sandwiches. eating sandwiches, that is, not scaring them. that would be weird. then again its weird i took the sandwich bribe and not the larger amount of money. hmm..i need a nap.

and as i have been sharing with you this tidbit of my father-daughter relationship with the old savage that lives in my house (yup. its my house. check the lease agreement!), he has been sitting in the hallway reading a book and singing rancheras. i dont know why he picks the hallway as his prime reading spot. maybe the lighting is better. god knows ancient people can hardly see a thing. anyways, back to my nap.

my dad is more awesome than your dad. he quotes that 70s show the daily!

A.A.K.

Brain Spillage #29: sprinkler much

i love showers and how they make you feel all squeaky clean.

what i dont like is the hard water that is flushing the redness out of my hair.

i like my red hair.

love is a battlefield.

A.A.K.